Nov. 19.5, 2015
A midlife crisis decision

So much I have lost
What more is there left to lose?
Things that haunt my thoughts

Kabucam gallery


The Words of Kabutroid

So if you haven't already guessed, I started looking into my Grand Adventure, and realized how unbelievably, wildly unrealistic it is, in all reality. To start with, I came up with that plan before I even looked at the price of aluminum tubing, let alone the rest of what would be needed to build said trailer.

Aside from that, I took a drive out to my brother's place in Calgary (from Winnipeg), making for 14 hours of nearly unbroken thinking and driving. During that drive, I realized that Canada is unbelievably large and desolate. High winds and hundreds of miles of empty fields.

Y'know what the point of the Grand Adventure is? To relaxingly go several kilometers a day, while making art as I go. The adventure as previously stated would have involved attempting to obtain as much distance as is possible every single day, in a concentrated effort of endurance and stamina to try to make it to Calgary before winter set in. This is the exact opposite of 'relaxingly create art in my slow travels'.

So, perhaps the Grand Adventure will have to be scaled up over time, and begin a little less grand. How's this going to happen? Honestly, I have no idea. I figure a baby bike trailer would fit most of my equipment (while leaving no room for either myself in an emergency, or a cat... which I still plan to get, though while continuing to live indoors), but that's just impractical and half-assed. I'll still make a trailer of some sort one day. Whether it's for a bike or a vehicle, or perhaps is a retrofitted vehicle in and of itself, I have no idea. That's something time will tell, as I see what options become available to me, and what I can do with them.

So why am I being so indecisive right now? In case you haven't noticed, I'm going through some extreme emotional trauma as of late. A midlife crisis, if you will. I've lost virtually everything I've ever loved, and am for all intents and purposes lost in an uncaring world. I'm at a time when I need to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

Well, step 1: Stay alive
Step 2: Create art.
Step 2.5: Everything else, money dependent, since unfortunately we still live in a world that requires wealth acquisition to remain alive.

Where's all of this blithering leading up to? Very little, really. I'm in the middle of separating from just about the last person I have left to lose in my life, so my days are swinging wildly from utter desperation to wild optimism. I'm unbelievably wounded emotionally, and grasping at any possible escape at this point.

And so, like many others who have been in similar situations, all I can do is repeat to myself "one day at a time", and continue attempting to figure my shit out.

But at least I've figured out one thing. I want to create art. Now, I must figure out how to make this possible.

I've already abandoned the idea that there's such a thing as long-term safety. I have absolutely zero expectation of retiring at this point. My RRSP, for what little is in there, I don't expect to exist by the time I reach retirement age. If I'm going to be retiring, it will likely be for completely different an unexpected reasons than hoping that the bank and/or government will come through for the populace. I've stopped believing in THAT fairy tale years ago.

Mid 30's and 16K in a retirement plan? That's... basically meaningless. If nothing drastically changes, by the time I reach retirement age, what that amounts to would be lucky to keep me alive for a single year. No, my type will either work until I die, or something unexpected occurs. I can only push for the latter.

Oh right, and I say 'work in an office', because that just makes the most financial sense. With gas prices as they are, and car insurance as it is, and food prices as they are, and the calories burned in hard manual labour, a job based around manual labour is simply not financially feasible. My overall wealth was decreasing while doing that work.

Lol, and the construction industry wonders why more people aren't joining it. Try paying people greater than starvation wages.

I have a choice. I can either use brains, or brawn to survive. Using my brain allows me to eliminate the vehicle, and thus the gas and car insurance money sinks, as well as burn fewer calories.

That said, if anyone's willing to pay a reasonable living wage to an honest, hardworking Jack of all trades (Tannis of all trades?), let me know.


Basically everything was designed by Nintendo, who I'm hoping will still let me keep doing my thing. It's a parody. And free. Did I mention they're awesome too? Also, I got a lot of help from a lot of people. Thanks all around, really.... I never seem short on people offering to help me with stuff :)
Comics, ideas, etc, etc owned by me, blah, blah, legal crap. Look, just don't be a jerk, and it's all good. I'm pretty easygoing, and really don't care all that much... just don't go impersonating me and we're cool.